By Survivor Asha
My Domestic Violence survival story from my abuser is intense. My physical, mental abuse and verbally went on for years and years before I am finally standing up.
Now, my family, friends and co-workers are scared for me, including my kids. Because everyone knows what and how much I was beaten and never gotten help due to the extent of violence this man has done to me and my daughter.
My ex-boyfriend abuser up until last year. We shared one child in common she is 10 years old.
All of Our History
There are so many of critical events, with so many dates that I can’t recall. All because I convince myself he loved me that why he was beating me.
So, I would like share what I remembered and could deal with sharing. I want you to know this man, my abuser, is so dangerous he defames me so I can’t work. Took my car and keep doing this.
Because he said to me, he has money, and he will get away with everything. I have lots of battle to fight because he cloned myself my daughter phone send text. It looks like me sending them and he also give me drugs and took pictures of me which I have no idea what he has.
He keeps threatening myself and my family. He did this several times, and again he keeps telling me that he financially took everything I had. I will never win because he is wealthy and well established in this community.
“In February last year I had to run.”
I took that and was moving forward. He then came back in September and said he was sorry and he wants his family. Then he left again, verbally curses me, and went to live by his house.
At that time, I tried to talk to him to find out what he is doing. If he will get help and he said yes, but when I went by him, he had a girl in the apartment.
I knocked and try to get him to open. My child’s father. We lived prior to this event together for 14yrs. We then sold one house and move to another. My abuser to alleged seeing ghost in our home.
My abuse started about 2 years after we met, and I never really knew what has been happening. Because I desperately wanted to stay and keep my relationship.
Living With My Abuser
We lived together with my Ex first child from previous marriage and my son from my previous marriage all together.
My son was living with us and finally moved out, but my stepdaughter was still with us. My abuse was with my stepdaughter who I took care of due her mother did not want to keep her. I open arm accepted her.
My Ex-Abuser was always out working as he said. But he would leave me with his daughter and was out every day and most nights at that time I was working in the city, and I was juggling work, home, relationship and also kids.
In around 2012 my abuser and I started to argue because I felt I was not getting help, and the child was with me and the mother at that time was never helping.
My daughter was not born yet.
The Verbal Abuse
My verbal abuse started with Ex, and it was cursing, name calling and body shame me and the child his daughter also started to verbally abuse me.
She would call me a whore because I was not her mother. She would then go into my things and move them out of where they were. And she would call her grandmother and all her cousins and talk about me on the phone while I was there taking care of her.
Because I felt she was a child and she had no one take care of her, her father would be drinking every day and would come home mostly when the child would be with me.
The abuse went on for about 2 yrs of verbal, mental and sometimes throwing things by the father and daughter. I would cry and cry and sometimes lash out screaming at my partner and they would go and say to every family member I was crazy, and I need medication.
Gaslighting Me and My First Beatings
The grandmother plays a very big part of this abuse because she would call me, or my partner and say I need medication. I was brain washed by this toxic and abuse raised family.
And I started thinking maybe it’s me. My abuser was cheating, and I would get text and pictures of different woman and when I ask, he would always say I am crazy.
I was beaten for all different reasons. I was thrown out of a car on the highway, I was kept hostage with my 10 year in the home 24 hours, and I block out many times and he would throw water in my face.
He kick me while I was crawling begging him to stop. I beg to let my child out of the apartment and he said he wants her to watch while he degrade me.
He chokes me and keeps hitting me on my head that night I thought I was going to die. When he was done which was about 3 in the morning, he sat and watched me and my daughter on the sofa.
“He then left and that’s when I ran with my daughter.”
He begged me to came back, and everything repeated. One night my back and everywhere of my body hurt, and he wanted to have intercourse. I said no he pulled my underwear out and tried to forcefully have his way and then stop when I start to cry.
Another time he started to punch me and choke me said I was sleeping with his friends. It was always the other way around. He pulled my hand all the way in the back of my head and took his foot and stomped me to the floor holding me down with his foot and my arms almost broker it.
He took a metal bar and told me to make a recording that I poison him, or he will sexually molest me with the metal bar. I thought he was delusional. He makes up these stories in his head with ghost and he possess, and I did voodoo on him, then he would switch into rage and beat me drag me down the basement.
Even told me he will tie me up and have 3/4 men come and rape me.
I Couldn’t Leave
I couldn’t go to the gym, grocery, with my friends or family only with him, I lost all financially stability because he kept me isolated. Also, I am a realtor like him, but he is more an investor in this community.
He tented my name in the real estate business when I call to show homes. I get a story about him calling asking and telling random agents I am sleeping with them, and I am the whore in this community.
And he took all financially resources when I finally walk away. He then would call all our mutual friends and family and tell them not to speak to me.
His best friend is a drug dealer, and he threatens everyone there is several cases against him. He uses many different substances and very proudly announce this.
I have so many more violent occurrences that happen. I am here to say because am fighting back he is tainting my reputation more because he cannot physically hurt me.
The Cost to My Daughter
Our daughter is scared and was scared then she refuses to see him she keeps asking me when the courts decided how long she has to see him for.
I ask her if she ready she keep saying no.
My EX and I had 2 children our daughter who was 4years old and his daughter from previous marriage who was about 11 years old. We went on vacation in 2019 on a cruise, I was beaten and jumped in our cabin by my Ex and his 11-year-old daughter while my 4-year-old was watching covering her head.
They were on top of me on the floor bashing my head and punching me and the ship had dock in Mexico, the cabin neighbor call the cruise police they came.
At that time my EX-brother was on the cruise with us and came beg me not say anything. So the abuser get arrested in Mexico.
The Extent of the Abuse
He would take an object like hammer, or metal and start to hit my toes and my finger trying to break them. He would drop my daughter to school and come in back and start to beat me. Then he pushes his hands in my mouth and pulled my cap my mouth was bleeding and he threw it away. And he said it’s because he paid for my cap.
He took his belt and beat my legs were so bad I sent the picture to his sister, and he lied still I could walk when he finishes beating me. This man took a 10k check and gave me and said that’s for the abuse.
“Then turned around saying I robbed him.”
Another time he came in the house saying I am having an affair with our mutual friends because he does not want them to speak to me. My Ex started to hit me, and I came out the house with my PJ in the middle of winter and ran down the block. And he ran after me trying to pull me in back in.
But after all this I been getting phone call from woman that he is been with from that time he accuses me.
My EX, my Abuser started to use drugs, his drug dealer lives in one of his apartments and provides him with, molly, ecstasy and weed. Which my abuser uses all of this and drinks alcohol on a regularly daily.
I recently receive a text from a girl my Ex-abuser is living with her. I know this because she is a 23-year-old family member cousin he is sleeping with.
Some days my daughter also get panic attacks saying she is thinking about the abuse we went through, and I am so blessed the school has been working with me towards making her feel somewhat safe.
My Ex-Abuser has money, and he always use that to get his way, everything he is doing to me he done this before with his first wife and their daughter. I saw it and I now understand why my stepdaughter was so traumatized and still is.
Where I Am Now
I AM NOT SCARED I AM STANDING UP FOR ALL THE WOMAN THIS MAN HAS ABUSE INCLUDING MY DAUGHTER. I WANT MY KIDS TO KNOW THIS IS NOT OK AND I KNOW IT WILL BE A HARD ROAD BUT AM READY FOR MY ABUSER AND ALL HIS FOLLOWERS.
THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR ALL THE VICTIMES DONT BE SCARED AND YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
