By Tara Woodlee
Sarah used to be full of life, always laughing and excited about new adventures. But lately, you’ve noticed she’s withdrawn, making excuses for bruises, and constantly checking her phone in fear. When you ask if everything’s okay, she brushes it off with a nervous smile.
Deep down, you suspect something is very wrong, but you’re not sure how to help.
When you suspect that a friend is in an abusive relationship, it can be heartbreaking and overwhelming. You may feel helpless, scared for their safety, and unsure of what to say or do. However, your support can make a significant difference. Here’s how you can provide comfort and help without pushing them away.
Approach With Care and Compassion
If you suspect abuse, don’t confront your friend aggressively or accuse their partner. Instead, approach the conversation with kindness and concern. You might say something like:
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself lately, and I just want to check in. Is everything okay?”
Giving them a safe space to talk without judgment is the first step to helping them open up.
Listen Without Judgment
Your friend may not be ready to admit they are in an abusive relationship. They might make excuses for their partner or even defend them. The most important thing you can do is listen without judgment. Avoid saying things like, “Why don’t you just leave?” Instead, say:
“I’m here for you, no matter what. You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”
Let them know they are not alone.
Validate Their Feelings
Abuse often makes victims feel confused, guilty, or ashamed. Your role is to affirm their feelings without reinforcing their fears. You can say things like:
“What you’re feeling is completely valid. It’s okay to be scared or unsure.”
Validation helps them feel heard and understood, rather than dismissed.
Offer Support, Not Ultimatums
It’s natural to want to pull your friend away from the abusive situation immediately, but ultimatums like “If you don’t leave, I can’t help you” can backfire. Instead, offer help in a way that keeps the door open:
“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll help you find resources or a safe place.”
Let them know you’re a steady support system without pressuring them.
Educate Yourself on Domestic Abuse Resources
Knowledge is power. Research local domestic violence hotlines, shelters, and support groups so you can provide information when they’re ready. You might say:
“I found a hotline that can help you whenever you need it. No pressure, but I can give you the number if you ever want it.”
BTSADV (Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) are excellent resources.
Be Patient and Persistent
Leaving an abusive relationship is complex and dangerous. It may take multiple attempts before your friend is ready. Continue checking in, offering emotional support, and reminding them that they are not alone.
Prioritize Their Safety
If you ever feel that your friend is in immediate danger, you may need to involve professionals. However, do so with care. Forcing them into action could put them at greater risk. Encourage them to create a safety plan, such as having a bag packed or a trusted friend on standby if they need to leave quickly.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship can be emotionally draining. Make sure you have your own support system, whether it’s a counselor, another trusted friend, or a support group.
Final Thoughts
Watching someone you care about suffer in an abusive relationship is incredibly painful. But your presence, compassion, and willingness to listen can be life-changing for them. Even if they don’t act right away, knowing they have a safe person to turn to could be the key to their eventual escape.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please seek help. You are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.
Check These Resources:
- Understanding Coercive Control
- Online Dating Safety
- Complete Guide to Mindful Meditation, and Emotional Healing.
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
