By Jessica D. Christian
When people think about domestic violence, they often picture bruises or broken bones and not anxiety.
But some of the deepest wounds never show on the skin. They live quietly inside—in the form of anxiety, self-doubt, and a body image reshaped by someone else’s cruelty.
For many survivors, “getting away” is only the first step. The challenge comes afterward: piecing yourself back together after someone has spent months—or years—chipping away at who you are.
Leaving an abusive relationship does not instantly turn off the fear.
Your body does not yet know you are safe—it has been trained to stay on high alert. This is the nature of complex trauma: it rewires your nervous system to search for danger, even when there is none to be found. Anxiety becomes a constant companion. It is the sudden pounding of your heart for no reason.
Body Image: When the Mirror Becomes an Enemy
One thing we rarely talk about is how abuse can completely change the way you see yourself.
Abusers often weaponize appearance, criticizing your weight, mocking your looks, or comparing you to others. Over time, you start to believe those lies.
You might avoid mirrors, fixate on perceived flaws, or feel disconnected from your own body. Some survivors gain weight after leaving, not out of weakness, but because it is a survival response.
The body holds on to food because it remembers scarcity and fear. Others might restrict food or over-exercise to regain a sense of control.
These struggles are not about vanity. They are about safety, identity, and reclaiming ownership of your body.
The Cycle of Shame
Abuse plants shame deep inside you—whether you stayed or left.
Shame for “allowing” it to happen. And shame for not healing fast enough. Shame for not appearing to have it all together.
The thoughts creep in:
- “Why am I still anxious? I should be over this.”
- “I hate how I look now.”
- “No one will ever love me again.”
These are not truths. They are echoes of your abuser’s voice—words you never deserved to hear in the first place.
Healing is Messy—But It is Possible
There is no single “right” way to heal.
For some, it is therapy. For others, it is writing, moving your body, leaning on a support group, or finding safety in relationships where you can simply exist without judgment.
Here are some gentle starting points:
- Acknowledge the anxiety: Your body is not broken—it is adapting to protect you.
- Be kind to yourself: Speak to yourself like you would to someone you love.
- Reconnect with your body: Explore movement, rest, nourishing food, and self-care without pressure or punishment.
- Reach out: You do not have to carry this alone.
You Are More Than What Happened to You
Your worth is not defined by your past, your body, or your anxiety.
You are more resilient than you realize. Healing is not about perfection—it is about reclaiming the right to feel safe, whole, and at home in your skin.
If you are reading this and you are in the thick of it, please remember you are not alone, you are not too far gone, and you deserve a life filled with peace, joy, and love.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
