By Misty Medders
Most of us grew up hearing the childhood chant: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
Let’s be honest—that phrase is a crock of crap. Words do hurt. They linger, echo, and shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Unlike a bruise or a scrape, the damage caused by verbal abuse is often invisible but far more lasting.
Verbal abuse may not leave physical scars, but it leaves emotional wounds that cut deep into self-worth, confidence, and mental health. Survivors often hear hurtful words repeated in their minds long after the moment has passed. Those words take root, convincing them they are unworthy, unloved, or powerless.
What Is Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse is more than just yelling. It can be subtle, disguised as “jokes,” sarcasm, or constant criticism.
It includes:
- Insults that attack a person’s character
- Threats meant to instill fear
- Gaslighting that distorts reality
- Shaming or belittling remarks
- Harsh self-talk we inflict on ourselves
Over time, verbal abuse can destroy confidence, cause anxiety or depression, and keep survivors trapped in cycles of fear and silence. It’s not just sticks and stones, and words that don’t hurt us.
Words to Others: The Power to Harm or Heal
Every word we speak carries weight. For survivors of domestic violence, harsh words are often used as weapons—tools to control, isolate, and tear down. A partner may use daily put-downs, blame, or ridicule to strip away identity and independence.
Yet, just as words can break, they can also build. Words of encouragement, kindness, and respect create safety, connection, and hope. They validate survivors’ experiences and remind them of their worth. At BTSADV, we see firsthand how a simple phrase like “You are not alone” can be life-changing.
Words to Yourself: Watch Your Inner Voice
It isn’t just what others say to us that matters—it’s what we say to ourselves. Self-directed verbal abuse can be just as damaging. How often do we silently think: “I’m so stupid,” “I’ll never get it right,” or “I’m not good enough”? Does that just sound like a nursery rhyme like “sticks and stones?”
When those thoughts repeat daily, they shape beliefs and behaviors. Survivors especially struggle with this because abusers’ words become their own inner critic. Healing begins when we challenge that internal voice, replacing it with self-compassion: “I am strong,” “I deserve love,” “I will heal.”
The Long-Term Impact of Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse, or sticks and stones, may not leave broken bones, but research shows it can impact health just as seriously.
Survivors may experience the following:
- Low self-esteem and shame
- Anxiety, depression, or PTSD
- Difficulty trusting others
- Trouble setting boundaries
- Physical health struggles linked to chronic stress
These scars often follow survivors into adulthood, shaping relationships, careers, and parenting. That is why awareness and intervention matter.
Breaking the Silence on Verbal Abuse
At Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence (BTSADV), we believe that words can break cycles—or continue them. That’s why we encourage survivors, families, and communities to:
Acknowledge verbal abuse. Don’t minimize it. Name it for what it is—abuse.
Choose words with care. Replace criticism with compassion, judgment with encouragement.
Speak healing into survivors’ lives. A supportive community helps counteract years of verbal harm.
Challenge your inner critic. Start reframing self-talk with affirmations and truth.
Support organizations like BTSADV. Together, we provide education, healing programs, and resources that empower survivors to reclaim their voices.
Hope, Healing, and the Power of Voice
The truth is simple: words matter. They can chain someone to years of shame, or they can unlock doors to freedom and healing. Survivors deserve voices that uplift, not voices that destroy.
BTSADV stands as proof that when survivors reclaim their voices, transformation happens. Through scholarships, retreats, and community programs, we empower survivors to replace lies with truth: You are strong. You are valuable. You are not alone.
Take Action Today Against the “Sticks and Stones” Mentality
If you recognize verbal abuse in your life or someone else’s, don’t ignore it. Support is available, and healing is possible.
Join us in breaking the silence by:
- Sharing this message with your community
- Practicing positive language in your relationships
- Supporting BTSADV’s mission through donations or volunteering
Words may hurt, but together, we can make words heal.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
