By Misty Medders
Healing after abuse is a journey that reaches far beyond visible scars. For many survivors, one of the most persistent and misunderstood struggles is the weight we carry—both physically and emotionally—long after the abuse ends.
For years, I carried extra weight on my body that I couldn’t seem to lose, no matter what diet or exercise plan I tried. It wasn’t just about food, hormones, or lifestyle—it was about protection. My body had become a barrier, a wall between me and the world.
The Damage of Words That Cut Deeper Than Bruises
During my abusive relationship, I heard phrases like “You’re fat,” “You need to lose weight,” and “No one will ever want you.”
At the time, I was 5’9″ and 145 pounds—far from overweight. Yet, those words sank into my spirit and distorted the way I saw myself.
In an attempt to please, to be accepted, to prove my worth, I lost over 25 pounds. I became thin—almost sickly—and still, it was never enough. Abuse thrives on control, and my body became another battlefield.
After Leaving, the Weight Shifted—but the Pain Stayed
When I finally escaped the abuse, something unexpected happened.
My body began to hold onto weight, no matter what I did. Over the years, I realized it wasn’t laziness or lack of discipline—it was protection.
Subconsciously, I thought, If I’m heavier, maybe no one will look at me. Maybe I’ll be safe. The extra weight became my armor, my invisible warning sign to the world: I am healing. I am rebuilding. Please, don’t hurt me again.
This is the lingering weight of trauma after abuse. Not just pounds on a scale, but memories, fears, and defense mechanisms that our bodies hold when words and wounds have cut too deep.
Healing Is Not Linear
As survivors, we often focus on healing the mind and heart, but we must also learn to heal the body that carried us through the storm. The weight we hold is not failure—it’s evidence of survival. Our bodies did what they needed to keep us safe.
Today, I am learning to love this body again. I move it with compassion, not punishment. I feed it with care, not guilt. Then, I look in the mirror and remind myself that every curve, every scar, every stretch mark tells a story of resilience.
Healing takes time after abuse. For some of us, the weight may go. For others, it may stay—and that’s okay. What matters most is learning to trust our bodies again, not to shame them for the ways they protected us.
Moving Toward Wholeness
If you’re a survivor struggling with body image, remember this: You are not alone. The lingering weight of abuse is not a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of your endurance. As you heal emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, your body will follow in its own time.
At Break the Silence Against Domestic Violence (BTSADV), we believe that healing is holistic. Every survivor deserves to feel safe, strong, and seen—in every body, at every stage of recovery.
Let’s continue breaking the silence together, one healing step at a time.
Check These Resources:
- Therapeutic Interventions for Healing From Domestic Violence
- The Hidden Impact of Teen Dating Violence
- Find Support with BTSADV
Support Line
Other Resources and Information:
