Kristin Garthus

My name is Kristin and I’m a survivor of Domestic Violence. I met my childrens father/abuser in my early 20’s. He had this way about him and everyone appeared to love him. He was the life of the party and he liked to party…drink in particular. The first time he abused me was in front of his mom when I wanted to call it a night and go home. He became enraged and yelling refusing to leave and go home with me. He took a Tonka truck belonging to his nephew and threw it at me. From then on it became more frequent and scary…yet I stayed. He was in and out of jail and prison through out our relationship. I never expressed a relationship like this but I fell for the sweet letters and false promises he constantly gave. We had our first son in 2008…I remember him going to call another woman and sending her pictures of our new baby. He was horrible once our son was born. He now could go out alone since I had needed to take care of our son. I went from having my first apartment to being homeless staying in a battered woman’s shelter with my 6 month old son. I still took him back. He beat me so badly with an ironing board he bent the metal. He cheated constantly. He destroyed everything I worked for. I still took him back. I thought if I could just show him the love he never received as a child he’d see my worth. Never happened. We got pregnant with our 2nd child in 2013. He had just gotten out of prison for a variety of charges from our last domestic…including false imprisonment charges that he claims gave him the predatory offender status he now has. I was almost 6 weeks ago when he beat me worse than he ever had. He beat me like an inmate saying he didn’t want a baby with me, punching my stomach. He stomped on me and ripped my clothes off my body. Our oldest woke up and my ex stopped to pick him up and put him back to bed. He came back to beat me more. He had me on the floor with his foot on my throat pressing harder and harder as I begged him to stop. Repeating I can’t breathe over and over until I blacked out. I have no idea how long I was out but he was pacing when I came to. He thought he killed me. This was all 3 days before Christmas. I told no one. I remember sleeping with a knife under my pillow and dressed in all my clothes with my son next to me in case we had to be ready. he stayed on the couch and surfed social media talking to whoever. I texted my mom in the morning “help” and she called 911. He did 6 years and hadn’t met our son. He got out Jan 2020 and I felt lost, the trauma bond was strong and I wasn’t that educated on it yet. I didn’t understand how I could want to be around someone who hurt me so bad and almost took my life. I didn’t have the support system I thought I did and shame kept me going back thinking I somehow deserved it. I met my therapist in April 2021 and she has helped change my life. The unconditional support and encouragement has made me so much stronger and staying gone a little bit easier. My oldest has contact which is difficult but I’m staying open and supportive and he’s been open and honest with me. I have lived through many horrific things and struggle with the healing process…but I keep saying my love for my kids is stronger than the trauma bond he created between us. I stand my ground and won’t back down from what I deserve and that usually irritates him so he stops trying to get back together, well until he’s feeling sorry for himself again. Everyday I work on me is a day he has less influence on me. I think women need more support and less judgment and shame because it can happen to anyone and if we want it to stop we can’t keep saying why doesn’t she leave.