My Survivor Story

When we first starting dating, I realized he had a quick temper and was easily frustrated, but it was never directed towards me. There were a few times when he was drinking that he initiated heated arguments, and we even broke up for a short period after one of them, but during the “love bombing” stage he made efforts to minimize his rage. He soon pressured me to move in together, and the change was immediate. It started with name calling and insults, then escalated to damaging property– kicking in doors, smashing plates, throwing things. The emotional and verbal abuse was insidious and soon occurred on almost a daily basis. He was also taking advantage of me financially. When I threatened to leave, he would threaten to kill me, once with a loaded shotgun. The first time he laid his hands on me, shoving me to the ground several times and grabbing me by the throat, he had laid out all of the kitchen knives on the floor. I said that I was going to call the police and he said “You’ll be dead before they get here.” A tearful apology followed the next day, but ten days later he got physical again, picking me up off the ground and throwing me down in the middle of the street, threatening “I should bash you in the head”. I fled with the help of police and when I returned to our home days later, I found an eight pound rock in the middle of the driveway that he had apparently picked up to make good on his threat. He continued to contact and harass me and unfortunately after being separated for several weeks, I gave him one more chance and let him come back home. Eighteen days later he was back to being abusive, cursing and throwing things at me. I knew that I had to get out and made a plan. The next time he lost his temper and threatened to leave me, I would let him go. About two weeks later, I got my chance when he started smashing my personal belongings during an argument. I left the home, fearing for my safety. When I returned, he had put about a dozen holes in the wall and doors and had taken all pictures down off of the wall and smashed them, as well as the TV, furniture and appliances. Glass was everywhere. He said he was leaving and I did nothing to stop him. After he left and retrieved his belongings, he continued to contact me, even though I never responded. Three months later I looked up to see him roaming around in the back yard, which was gated and locked. Even after I issued him a trespass warning, he continued to contact me, which prompted me to file for a protective order. After viewing the evidence presented by myself and my lawyer, including his record of domestic violence against other women, the protective order was granted permanently, for life. Although he never directly contacted me after the order was served, he continued to make his presence known in my neighborhood, even though he lived forty-five minutes away. I knew I would never feel safe as long as we were both in the same town, so I chose to leave the state. It feels so good to not have to constantly live in fear.