For as long as I can remember I’ve chosen abusive men to date.
My ex husband;
I met him after I had gotten out of a relationship with someone who had cheated on me. I had 2 young children. He seemed like the dream guy but there were red flags I truly should have seen.
He was bubbly and outgoing, he had amazing stories to tell about his life. He seemed to be the life of the party and so loving! He was all about helping me with my kids and did all the “right” things.
Red flags slowly started creeping in. He would call or text me incessantly if I was out with my friend. I went to go with her to watch her mom get he foot tattooed and he called me 3 to 4 times in the 1 hour i was there. All under the “i miss you” phrase. My friend piped up and said something about it but I laughed it off and said ohhhh he just misses me.
Then came his aggressive behaviour.
We would have disagreements and he would grab me and hold my arm very tight. Block me in rooms so I couldn’t leave the situation. We broke up. But i took him back and we got married 3 months after we got back together.
Things were great and then things escalated. He put a hole in the wall, told me he would tell ppl I did it.
He got more physical and would pin me in place. Call me names. Started to take things out on the kids.
We separated for a bit. I wound up in a homeless shelter with my children. Got myself a job a car a home for me and my kids. I had supportive friends help me get on my feet.
He came back around after i had got on my feet. Claimed we owed it to our son. I went back. Yep again I went back.
Things got WORSE. He developed an addiction to speed. Money was becoming tight with me being the only one working. His behaviour became scary. He’d yell and scream and me and my kids. My children and I had to develop a safe word so we could run and leave the house..
He punched a hole into glass, he raised his fists at me, he punched my TV which happened to be past my face. He pushed me to the floor in front of my children. The final straw was when he put his hands around my throat and pinned my up against a wall and squeezed. The pressure my head felt I will never forget.
I told him he needed to leave. The marriage was done. I didn’t want him in my life.
He finally left but he started to stalk me at work, make me feel uncomfortable and scared. He started yelling at me in front of people at my place of work..
I finally went to the police. I broke my silence. My children and I had deserved better. I was so ashamed of how much I let my kids see, how much I let happen.
I went to therapy brought my kids to therapy. We started our path to healing.
That relationship was from 2007 to mid 2016 then from the end of 2016 to 2018.
My children and I are finally safe. We are finally free from that.
We have a wonderful new life. We have supportive people in our life. We are healing together still. We have loving protective people in our life.
Sometimes I wish i had just had the strength to leave and stay away.
I’m finally free.
