BREAK YOUR SILENCE!!! I have gone to voluntary counseling over the years since I was young and I wish it would have prepared me for a long 18+ nightmare I wish I could have avoided. I was a young 20yr old looking for a forever partner and was coursed by a man 9 yrs older then me. I should have seen the red flags but with all the “love bombing” I was blind to what was going on behind the scenes. I was pregnant within a few months of being together and started getting gut feelings something was off I began poking around and asking questions and found out that there was in fact infidelity. I told him I was leaving him and he grabbed me by my arms and pinned me to the bathroom floor and told me I wasn’t going anywhere. He threatened me and told me if I said anything he’d take my baby before I left him. After this incident is when I realized I was trapped. He knew that from my past abuse I was weak mentally and emotionally and I believe he took advantage of me at this state, I was very much broken, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. After this incident there was a lot of “love bombing” and we were married right after my pregnancy but I thought this is what I wanted to be married and start a family and live a happy life so I thought. 3 yrs later I was pregnant again and again found infidelity and that he was living a whole second life as a single father unmarried to me for all the time we were together this time I wasn’t going to take it anymore I wanted out of this disfunction again at a moment of reaction I yelled I’m leaving I can’t take it anymore and again he grabbed me by my arms and yelled and made threats I got away as I was running up the stairs he threw a camera at my back and I called the police once upstairs and locked myself in a room. Even after this incident he continued to make threats that I was going to be sorry for leaving him and calling the police on him. I had feelings of shame and guilt that I allowed this to happen to me and that I brought kids into this situation. I tried to get help/protection but I was not aggressive enough I could not get him served with papers and he disappeared for 2 years. I was able to get a divorce granted without him but he was still entitled to visitation and I should have reported all his abuse but after him being gone for 2 yrs I didn’t think I would get any protection. When he started doing his visitation many times I had to call for police standbys for exchange with the kids he would threaten me and tell me he wasn’t bringing them back and if I got back with him he would be good to me. I didn’t fall for it after everything I already went through I was definitely not going back. This did not stop him from continuing his abuse and eventually turning my own children against me. For years this has been the worst nightmare of my life when I got tangled up with this monster. This experience has been so painful and heartbreaking I don’t wish what I’ve been through on anyone. He has gotten away with everything I mean everything I am now known as the “abusive one” he has manipulated me and my children and the legal system to get his way…. He told me I would be sorry for leaving him, He told me I will regret it…. At this point I am at a loss I don’t know what to do. I have lost just about everything I mean everything I’ve worked so hard for. The advice I would give to anyone going through a situation like this is break your silence! Be strong and file and make reports and tell people what you are going through because if you don’t your silence will only be turned against you. Your abuser if as nasty as mine will manipulate and twist and turn everything around and you will be seen as the “abusive one” I’m still living and trying to survive this nightmare that’s a actual reality I’m living right now and I don’t know what to do or how it’s going to turn out But I do believe in God and I can only trust He has plans for this demon. I just want out of this nightmare!
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